Falling
by Witchytara25
Summary: Lil finds herself in love with the one person she never thought possible. Femmeslash.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Falling 

Author: Witchytara25

Summary: What happens when you fall in love with your best friend?

Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Klausky, Viacom, Nickelodeon and whoever else claims them. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.

A/N: I know it's been a while since I've written anything; I've been on a sabbatical of sorts from writing, trying to sort out my life. But here is my new story and I promise that eventually I will update my other one's that I've been neglecting lately. The quote at the beginning of the story is from The Crow: The Lazarus Heart and the author is Poppy Z. Brite. Also, this story is slash and if you do not like slash, please refrain from childish comments and flaming me for what I chose to write about. I will laugh at your ignorance and make sarcastic comments about your intelligence. Also, the Rugrats are of legal age and in college.

Dedication: To my best friend, only you know how true this story is. This is for you. Only you know what the meaning behind this story is.

_"All the story is just a fairytale and fairytales never come true."—The Lazarus Heart_

The first time I ever heard that line; I was taken aback for the fact that in my world, fairytales rarely do come true. Not to say that I've had a bad life, or a hard life for that matter.

My life, by normal definition, has been pretty easy. I had two parents, a brother, and friends that stood by me no matter what happened. However, I didn't have the one thing that mattered most to me; I never had love. A love that withstood the test of time, a love so deep and everlasting that when you're not around that person, you want to feel like your dying inside. I never had that love, because I was never looking for that love.

Honestly, I didn't believe in love. Love was for other people, never for me. Not to say I was a girly-girl, because in all honesty, I wanted love. I just was jaded somewhat on love, because I had seen so many relationships fail. Until the day she walked into my life and stole my heart away and wouldn't leave it go.

We had been friends since we were in diapers, since before the adults could understand what we were saying, when we thought that we were invincible toddlers. We've been friends since I could remember. I couldn't imagine my life without her. All of the sudden, without warning, I was struck with the realization that I loved her more than life itself. Now the question was: did I tell her and risk losing the best friend I ever had, or did I let her know my feelings and maybe find a love that would never end? So, as my heart is in a quandary, I see her walking towards me, a smile lighting her face as she comes near me.

"So, Lil, what are you writing about this time?" she asked me, as I quickly shut my notebook and looked at her.

"Nothing."

Giving me one of her standard looks, I met her gaze steadily. "You know, you never used to keep secrets from me."

Averting my gaze, I looked at the grass in front of me. "I'm not keeping secrets. I'm just writing some stories for English class."

"Stories, huh? Let me read them."

"Not now. When they're perfect, then I'll let you read them."

Shaking her head slightly, she lets the subject drop, for which I am grateful. If she was to read my stories, she would know how I feel about her and that would not be good for the fact I know that she doesn't feel the same way about me.

"Earth to Lil. Come in Lil."

"Oh, huh, what?"

Smiling indulgently at me, she leans back on the grass and I see the humor in her eyes as she regards me. "I said, do you have a date for the big frat party on Friday night?"

"Oh, no, I'm not going. I think I'll just stay in my room that night and work on homework."

"Homework on a Friday night? Come on Lil, what's your deal? You never go to parties or anything like that anymore. You've basically become a recluse since our sophomore year. Come to the party tonight."

"No. Parties aren't really my thing."

"Thing coming from the woman who in high school would be out from Friday night until Sunday morning, partying up a storm."

"Well, I've grown up since then. Now I know what I want to do with my life and I can't be going off and partying all the time."  
"All the time? Lil, this is just one party, one Friday night. Come on, for me? Please?" she gives me her puppy dog eyes, knowing that I can't resist that look."

Sighing, I give in to her, knowing that if I don't, she'll just follow me around, begging me to go with her. "Fine, I'll go. But know that this isn't willingly. This is because you know I can't resist the puppy dog look."

Laughing, she touches me on the arm. "I know. That's why I did it, you've never been able to resist it since we were kids." Starting to walk away, she comes back and puts her hand on my shoulder and I stiffen almost instinctively. "Thanks Lil, and who knows? This could be the night that you find love."

_Omega Beta Ki Frat House_

_11pm_

The sound of pulsating music assaults me as I walk up to the frat house. Wondering why I came to this (and knowing I hate parties), I look for the nearest corner to go hide in without being seen. Unfortunately, before any of this could happen, in she walks with two guys draped across her arm. Feeling my heart drop to my knees, I take a drink off the table and down it in two gulps. I knew this was a bad idea to come to this party tonight. I knew something like this would happen.

"Lil!" I hear her shriek half way across the room. I paste a smile on my face and walk towards her. "I'm glad you could make it. This here is Richard and this other one is Timothy."

Nodding towards them, I can't notice how beautiful she looks. Wearing tight black leather pants, a halter top and leather chunk boots, I have to force myself to look away from the cleavage that she's exposing. Blessed generously in the well-endowed department, I have to force myself not to drool and make a scene. "So, how do I look tonight?" she asks me.

_Beautiful, lets go upstairs. _I have to stop myself from saying. Clearing my throat, I look at her. "You look great."

Richard slides her hand down towards her ass, grabbing it gently. "Come on, babe, I want to introduce you to my brothers." She moves away from him and goes towards Timothy. "I'll be with you in a minute, I want to introduce Timothy to my friend Carl."

"Well, how about you, Lil? Would you care to meet some of my frat brothers? I promise that they're all harmless and that they won't bite unless you ask them too."

Smiling slightly, I nod and follow Richard, hoping that things don't spiral out of control and that Kimi can handle her own with the amount of guys in the room.

As we turn around the corner, he pushes me up against the wall and starts to slide his hand up and down my stomach. Twisting to get away from him, I wonder what the hell is going on. "What the hell do you think your doing?"

"Come on, baby. Did you really think that I was going to introduce you to my brothers when you look that hot tonight? I want you all for myself."

Pushing him away, I looked up at him. "Then why did you come with Kimi?"

"Because I thought that she would be an easy piece of ass and that I could get some from her. Obviously, she's an ice princess. We've been out together three times now and she won't give it up."

Using all my willpower not to reach over and choke him, I looked up at him. "Maybe you're just not her type, did you ever think of that?"

"Then she must be a dyke, because I am every woman's type."

"Conceited much? You're not my type either."

"Oh come on, you don't even know me. How can you know if I'm your type or not?"

"Because I don't like arrogant assholes who think their god's gift to women. And besides, you have so many muscles that you look like you've been strung out on steroids."

I saw a hint of anger come into his eyes at that remark. "I am a football player, I do not take steroids."

"Please, you have the yellow-tinged eyes that are a dead give away. You also look like you have no neck."

Pinning me against the wall, I feel his muscle press into my stomach. "Yeah, but I've got you at an advantage. I'm stronger than you, I can hold you against your will and there's not a damn thing you can do about it except scream and with as loud as the music is, no one is going to hear you. So, go ahead and scream bitch, no one can hear a damn sound over the music."

Feeling my heart start to beat faster, I looked up at this Incredible Hulk wanna be and I swallowed the bile that was fast rising in my mouth. "Please, God, let me go. I promise I'll do anything you want me too. Just please, God, don't hurt me. I promise that I won't tell anyone."

Laughing bitterly, he looked down at me. "Now, see, I can't do that, because frigid princesses like you need to be taught that you can't tease a man forever. I mean, I saw how you looked at me when I walked up with Kimi tonight. You wanted me, and now you're saying you don't. I don't understand why you're playing hard to get with me. You want me and I'm going to have you."

Attempting to break free from his body, he laughs and steps back. "I'll get you later, Princess, that I can promise you." Turning and walking down the hall, I see him plaster on a smile and greet everyone that walks by him. Shuddering, I turn and walk quickly away from the place that this bizarre exchange took place.

_Later that night_

With the music and the laughter flowing throughout the room (and the amount of alcohol that was still flowing), I found myself standing in the corner of the room; sipping on a beer and just watching the people float in and out of the room. Most of the people were now couples and that made me feel lonely, watching them look at each other like there was no other one else in existence.

Sighing, I set down my drink and started towards the door when out of the corner of my eye I saw Kimi heading upstairs with Richard. Feeling a since of foreboding come over me, I follow them with my eyes and see Richard's smirk come across his face as he looks down at her. Letting my eyes follow them, I feel my stomach start to knot up and I wait until they're out of sight before I follow them up the stairs.

Following them around a corner, I notice that there are four doors and they all look the same. Not wanting to just bust into any room and not have it be them, I hesitate for a split second, wishing that I would've followed just a little more closely so I could've known what room they had gone into. Before I can decide what to do, I hear a high-pitched scream that sends a shiver down my spine and sends me into a gut reaction on what to do. Running at high speed towards the first door I heard the scream come from, I throw the door open and notice Richard on top of Kimi and Kimi struggling to away from him.

"Leave her go, you bastard." Diving towards Kimi, I managed to get between Richard and her, kicking Richard squarely in the shins. Groaning and rolling off Kimi, he looked at Lil with complete malice in his eyes. "You little bitch, how dare you come in here and interrupt a private moment between two consenting adults. You don't know what you've just got yourself into."

Ignoring him, I looked at Kimi, who was curled up in a ball in a corner, shaking with silent tears running down her cheeks. "You okay, Kim?"

Nodding, she continued looking down at her knees. Walking over to her, I held out my hand. She took it and before I could get any further, Richard appeared in front of us. "You two aren't going anywhere until I say so."

Kneeing him in the groin, he fell to the ground in a heap. "I advise you get out of our way before I call the police and have you arrested on sexual assault charges and attempted kidnapping." Unable to resist looking back at him, I saw a pathetic excuse for a human being in a heap on the floor, whimpering and groaning. Shaking my head, I put my arm around Kimi's shoulder and led her out the door.

Holding her tightly as we stepped outside, I noticed her taking three or four deep gulps of air and lay her head on my shoulder. All I could do was hold her tightly and say over and over again, "It's okay, Kimi, it's okay."

"Do you know how stupid I feel right at the moment, Lil? He seemed so nice and so polite; he told me that we were going upstairs just to talk. I believed him. I really did. And now I feel so unclean, like I need to go stand under a scalding hot shower for five or six hours just to get his stench off of me." Moving away from me, she looked at me full in the face, "Why did you do it?

"Do what?"

"Run into the room to save me? Why did you do it? How did you know that I was going upstairs with him?"

Flustered, I looked at her and said quietly, "Something just didn't feel right when I saw you two walking upstairs together. I ran into the room to save you because you've been my best friend since we were in diapers. Why wouldn't I save you?"

Stepping closer to me, she gazed up at me. "Are you sure there isn't another reason?"

Feeling my heart practically stop, I look at her full in the face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, could you have another motive?"

"Like what?"

"Don't play dumb, Lillian. We've known each other way too long to play games with each other." Stepping closer to me, she reaches up and runs her hand down the side of my face. "Like the fact that your in love with me and have been too afraid to tell me?"

Dumbfounded, I look at her. "How did you know?"

"Honey, we've known each other for 19 years now. We know everything about each other. I know that you're in love with me. Its clearly written all over your face every time you look at me."

Taking a deep breath, I ask quietly, "Are you with me?"

Dropping her hand, she looks away for a moment. "I would like to tell you that I am, but the thing is, I don't know. I know that I love you as my friend, but right at the moment, my feelings are so mixed up that I don't know which end is up. I never thought as myself as gay or bisexual. I always thought I just liked guys."

Nodding, I wrap my arms around myself and stare off into the distance. Wishing that I would've never fell for my best friend, I find myself wishing that I could just leave and never look back.

"Lil, look at me. Please." Turning slowly to look at her, I see the tears forming in her eyes as she looks at me. "Lil, this doesn't change anything between you and I. You're still my best friend, nothing more, nothing less."

Nodding silently, I stare into the distance again, wishing that this had never happened. Looking at Kimi, I say quietly, "I've got to get back to the dorm, got to get some sleep for midterms Monday."

"Lil, wait." Reaching out to grab my arm, she pulls me back towards her. "I told you, this changes nothing between you and I. I still love you and want you in my life. I just don't know if I love you in the same way you love me."

Nodding again, I gently take my arm away from hers. "I know that, but I'm getting tired and I need to get going home. I'll call you tomorrow or the next day."

Sighing in frustration, she looked at me and shook her head. "You better call me tomorrow or I'll come hunt you down."

Nodding, I turned and pulled my coat tighter around me, walking towards home. Feeling the tears run down my face, I didn't bother to wipe them away, for I knew deep down in my gut that I just lost my best friend by doing the unthinkable: falling in love with her.


	2. Catch Me

Title: Catch Me 

Author: Witchytara25

Summary: Sometimes letting your heart go can be the hardest thing in the world.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Same disclaimer as chapter 1, unless I suddenly inherited the Rugrats, then in which case, why am I writing for free?

A/N: Two chapters in two days? I'm impressed with myself. This chapter is in Kimi's POV and if I go on with chapter three, I will probably do Lil's POV and alternate back and forth between the POV. Okay, to make this perfectly clear, this story is SLASH, meaning two women who are in love with each other. If you have a problem with that, please just go away and don't tell me I'm a pervert or that I'm immoral. I don't have the time for childish games.  
The opening line is from The Crow II: City of Angels So please, read and review.

Dedication: To my best friend, for you are the only one who truly knows what this story means. I love you.

_"Believe in the power of another"—The Crow II: City Of Angels_

Groaning as the alarm clock blared in my ear, I reached over, picked it up and threw it against the wall, relishing the sound of the clock breaking against the wall. Burrowing back under the covers, I pray for five more minutes of sleep. However, the phone begins to ring and I groan, wishing that mornings didn't come so goddamn early.

"Hello?" I say groggily, not bothering to try and hide my annoyance at being woken up at this ungodly hour. "Who's dead and if no one's dead, why are you calling me?"

"Nice to see your still the same morning person you've always been, Kimi." I hear him chuckle in my ear.

"Hey Tommy. How are things up at UCLA? Breaking all the hearts still?"

"Nah. I've given up on love for awhile."  
"You? Mr. Tommy "I'm dating three girls at once" Pickles? Come on now, what aren't you telling me?

"Nothing except I'm burned out on love right at the moment. How about you? Breaking any hearts yourself?"

Letting my mind drift back to last night, I thought about what happened at the party and Richard and Lil coming in the room and basically saving my life. I wish that I could pretend that last night never happened and that Richard didn't assault me.

"Kimi? Are you still there?"

"Yeah," I answer quietly, "I'm still here."

"You got quiet on me for a moment. What's up? You never get that quiet and you haven't yelled at me for waking you up at 10am your time."

"Just thinking about last night."

"Did Lil finally confess her feelings for you?"

"How does everyone know about this but me?"

"Simple. You can never see what's in front of you and the rest of us have known for the last two years that she was in love with you."

Sighing, I stare at the pictures that cover my walls and think back to all the years we've known each other. Through all the trials and tribulations of growing up, we never came apart like so many other groups did in high school. Maybe because deep down we all knew we didn't have anyone but each other and that no one understood us like the others did. We weren't supposed to fall in love with anyone in the group though. That went against group dynamics and the thought that falling in love with each other was akin to falling in love with your brother or sister. Lil loving me went against the group dynamics.

"Kimi?" Tommy's voice cut into my thoughts. "You went quiet on me again."

"I don't know what to do Tommy. I mean, sure I love Lil, but not the way she loves me."

"Are you sure about that, Kimi? I mean, you two were always alone together and you know, it was naturally assumed that you two were together."

"As friends, you perv! As nothing more than friends."

"Who are you trying to convince that you don't have feelings for her? Me and the rest of the group? Or yourself?"

Changing the subject, we talked about our classes, our grades and anything else we could think of talking about. After about a half hour, Tommy yawned. "I guess I better get back to sleep. I just thought I would call you and see how you were doing."

"Thanks," I said dryly, "I'm glad to know that something's never change. When you can't sleep, call me and wake me up."

"Yeah, that's one of the reasons I love you, Kimi. You're the one I call when I suffer from insomnia."

"Goodbye, you freak. I'll talk to you later."

Pausing for a moment, he said softly, "Just remember what I asked you earlier. Who are you trying to convince that you don't feel this way? Us or yourself?" With that, he said goodbye and quickly hung up the phone.

Looking at the clock and realizing that it was Saturday and I didn't have to be anywhere for awhile, I burrowed back under the covers, with every intention of going back to sleep. However, every time I closed my eyes, Tommy's words kept repeating themselves over and over in my head.

Throwing off the covers and changing into my workout clothes, I decided to head over to the gym. Not only for the workout, but also to try to chase Tommy's words out of my head.

After my long workout, I stepped outside the gym and noticed that it was raining. Wrapping my leather jacket tighter around me, I hurried through the rain, all the while wondering if the old saying was true: Do you get wetter if you run or walk through the rain? Amazing the thoughts that run through your head when your getting drenched and home is another mile down the road.

Shivering as a crack of lighting lit up the mid-afternoon sky, I wondered what Lil was doing. I know that she said she would call me today, but after how I treated her last night, I'm wondering if she's going to avoid me now. _Nah, _I think, _Lil wouldn't avoid me over something like that, would she? She wouldn't throw away 19 years of friendship over feelings, would she? _Shaking the thoughts from my head, I hurry towards the apartment, ready to get out of this freezing rain and into some dry clothes.

_Kettler Hall  
10:30pm_

Working my way through the throng of people crowded in the lobby of the dormitory, I went in search of the everlasting chocolate chip cookie from the vending machine. Noticing a line of people standing there, I groaned inwardly, for I desperately needed chocolate right at this particular time. Noticing a hole in the middle of the crowd, I weave my way through until I get directly in front of the machine.

Putting my money in the machine, I sigh in relief when the chocolate cookies drop into the slot. Pulling them out, I open the package greedily and take a bite. _MMMMMMM…._ I think to myself, _nothing like chocolate to help me study for these midterms on Monday._ Walking back towards the dorm, I bump into someone and fall to the ground.

"Oh, I'm sorry…" my voice trails off as I look up into the eyes of my best friend.

Smiling slightly, she puts her hand out and helps me up. "Its okay Kimi, I wasn't looking where I was going." Pulling me to my feet, I look up at her and smile slightly. "You okay?"

Nodding, she takes her hand away and says quietly, "I will be. It's just going to take me some time to get over everything." Looking at me, she smiles slightly. "Do you want to go somewhere quieter and talk?"

"How about my dorm room?"

"Fine by me." Starting towards my room, I notice the dark circles under her eyes and I notice that she looks at the ground as she walks, not meeting my gaze once as I chatter on about insignificant things. Opening the door, I step inside and watch as Lil gently closes the door behind her. Once the door is closed, the silence is deafening. Looking at each other, I flashback to the times we were able to be at ease in each other's presence.

_Flashback_

"_Kimi, I'm never going to get algebra. How the hell do they expect us to use this in real life?"  
The tortures of math never seem to phase me. What is the problem that you seem to be having?"  
The fact that algebra exists? What is the point of this?"  
"To teach you about math and the wonders of it."  
"Well, whoever created this was sadistic."_

"_Hey Lil, I'd like to you to meet my new boyfriend, Samuel."  
"Hey Kimi, I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend, Jonathan."_

"_What's wrong, Lil?" I asked, looking at the clock.  
"Jonathan cheated on me with some cheerleader. I found them lip-locked in the parking lot when I was coming out of school."  
"Want me to kill him?" I asked, thinking of ways I could torture the poor boy.  
Sniffling, she said quietly, "No. I just want to go to bed and pull the covers up over my head and forget the whole world exisits for awhile."  
"Why give him the satisfaction of that? Nurse your broken heart for awhile then get back out there into life. Show him that you don't need him."_

"_Kimi, what's wrong?" I stood, shivering on her doorstep at 3am.  
"Samuel broke up with me. He he was my whole world."  
"What excuse did he give you?"  
"That he needed to 'find himself.' After three years, you think he would've found himself. He now tells me he thinks that he's gay and that he wants to find out for sure."_

_Ushering me inside, out of the rain, she led me to the couch and sat me down, stroking my hair. "Well, now we know that all those Cher cd's weren't for naught."  
__Burying my head into her shoulder, I say quietly, sobbing, "How do I go on though? We were together 2 ½ years."  
Stroking my hair, she tips my chin up and says quietly, "Nurse your broken heart for awhile and then move on with your life."  
_"_I'm so lucky to have you for my best friend."  
Stroking my hair still, she says softly, "So am I."_

_End of flashback._

The sudden realization hit me that no matter what had happened, Lil had always been there for me. As the only two girls in the group, we had kinda banded together against the boys and it was helpful to have another girl to do girly things with. Now, with sudden insight (okay, maybe not so sudden, after all, we had known each other nineteen years), I realized that I loved her in the same way she loved me. Only thing is, do we take this step and maybe find something that could last a life time, or do I keep my mouth shut and let us go on pretending that there is nothing between us?

"Kimi?" Lil says hesitantly, looking down at her hands "Was there a reason that you invited me up here?"

"Uh, um, yeah. I was going to tell you that I was sorry how I acted last night."

Smiling slightly, she looks up at me for the first time since entering the room. "Its okay, I understand. Its just my habit to always fall for the unobtainable ones, the ones who don't feel the same way."

I look at her, dumbfounded. "Me? Unobtainable? What are you talking about?"

Sighing, she looks at me full in the face. "Look, I know that you don't feel the same way I do. I know my feelings will never change. But, honestly, I've loved you for so long, that I don't know how to stop loving you. I've been in love with you since we were 16 years old. 16, Kimi. That's five years of my life now. "

"Then why didn't you say something before this?"

"Scared. I'd rather have you as my best friend and suffer in silence than tell you and risk losing you. You've been in my life for so long, if you left my life, I wouldn't know what to do."

Nodding as the realization hits me, I realize that something has to be done. Tipping her chin up, I lean in and kiss her softly, as her hands drop to her sides soundlessly and she just sits there, stunned.

Pulling back, I look at her and the realization of what I have done hits me full force. Turning away from her, I start to move away but she grabs my arm and stops me. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Pulling my arm away from hers, I turn with tears threatening to spill out of my eyes, fleeing from her and away from the emotions that threaten to overwhelm me. As much as I want to believe in this love, I am running scared for the fact that I don't want to lose my best friend over what might be just a passing phase for me.

Running from my feelings and from the fear I have, the sudden implications of what I have done have finally hit me full force: I just kissed my best friend and there's nothing I can do to change the fact that I just kissed her.


End file.
